Parenting with Intention: How I Stopped Running on Autopilot and Started Truly Connecting with My Daughter
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I used to think I was a pretty “present” parent.
I was there for drop-offs and pick-ups, the scraped knees and the bedtime stories. But somewhere in the whirlwind of to-do lists, laundry, and a buzzing phone, I had this sinking realization: I was parenting on autopilot.
If you’ve ever found yourself nodding through your child’s story while your mind is elsewhere — or snapping over spilled milk because your patience was already paper-thin — I get it. That was me too.
But something had to change.
I didn’t want to just get through the day. I wanted to connect. I wanted my daughter to feel seen, safe, and understood — not just managed.
That’s when I stumbled across the idea of parenting with intention, and it honestly changed everything.
What Does It Mean to Parent with Intention?
At its core, intentional parenting is about mindfulness. It’s about being aware of how you show up as a parent — and why.
Instead of reacting on autopilot, you pause. Instead of rushing through routines, you lean into connection. Instead of being “there,” you’re present.
And no, it’s not about perfection. (Trust me — I’ve had plenty of cracker-for-dinner, meltdown-in-Target kind of days.)
It’s about being more conscious. More responsive. And building a home where your child feels truly connected to you.
The key here is understanding that intention doesn’t require flawless execution. It’s about being intentional with your presence, which, over time, builds trust and creates deeper bonds. It allows your child to know that you’re not just physically present, but emotionally and mentally engaged as well.
Here’s how I started parenting with intention — and how you can begin too, without adding more to your already-full plate.
1. Start with Five Minutes of Awareness
It sounds so simple, but this one practice made a huge difference: every morning, before the chaos starts, I give myself five minutes to just breathe and ask:
How do I want to show up for my daughter today?
What kind of energy do I want to bring into our home?
What does she need from me right now?
I do this while sipping my beloved Alani’s and writing a few quick thoughts in this guided journal. It’s not fancy. But it’s become my daily reset button.
Taking just five minutes to ground myself makes a world of difference. It allows me to approach the day with clarity, intention, and a calmer mindset. It also helps me focus on what really matters — my connection with her, rather than the endless list of tasks awaiting me.
If you’re someone who has trouble finding time to pause, remember: these moments don’t need to be long. Even just five minutes of quiet reflection can set the tone for a more intentional day.
2. Reimagine Routines as Rituals
There was a time when mornings felt like a race. I’d bark instructions like “Shoes! Backpack! Come on, we’re late!” while she moved at her own dreamy pace.
Then I realized I wasn’t just managing time — I was missing moments.
So I shifted our routines into rituals that prioritize connection:
Morning dance breaks while brushing teeth.
A hug and three deep breaths before heading out the door.
Ending the day with our “rose and thorn” — sharing the best and hardest parts of the day.
The beauty of rituals is that they bring a sense of predictability and security while also fostering meaningful moments. For example, I’ve found that even five minutes of slowing down in the morning makes a big difference. By starting our day with calmness and connection, it sets a more peaceful tone for what’s ahead.
Bonus tip: We added this kid-friendly meditation book to our bedtime routine, and it’s been magical. It helps her wind down while we bond, even after a hard day.
The point is to find small ways to turn everyday routines into rituals that help you connect, rather than rush. These moments don’t have to be elaborate — they just need to be meaningful.
3. Respond, Don’t React
Before I embraced intentional parenting, I often reacted without thinking — especially when I was tired or stressed.
Now, I try to pause before responding, especially during tense moments.
So when my daughter spills juice again or refuses to get dressed again, I take one breath. One pause. And I ask myself, “Is this a moment for correction, or connection?”
I’ve learned that most misbehavior is a bid for attention or regulation — not defiance.
This mindset has helped me show up with empathy first, and discipline second.
One of the best reminders I keep in my head: “She’s not giving me a hard time. She’s having a hard time.”
Responding rather than reacting has completely shifted the dynamic in our home. When I take that pause, I allow space for my daughter’s feelings to be acknowledged, and for me to approach the situation with a clearer head.
It’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it. The result is a more calm, loving environment where discipline and connection coexist.
4. Boundaries Are a Form of Love
I used to feel guilty setting firm boundaries. Saying no to more screen time, sugary snacks, or skipping bedtime routines felt… mean?
But over time, I realized boundaries aren’t harsh — they’re comforting.
They give my daughter consistency. They show her that I care enough to protect her peace, even when she pushes back.
When I explain the “why” behind a boundary, it helps her process the limit with less resistance.
One tool that made a huge difference with screen time: this visual countdown timer. It gives her a sense of control and removes the power struggle.
Boundaries aren’t just about saying no — they’re about protecting both your child’s emotional well-being and your own. When I set a boundary, I’m not rejecting her; I’m teaching her to respect herself and others.
It’s a valuable life lesson, and the more I practiced this, the more we both grew.
5. Mirror the Behavior You Want to See
This one’s humbling — because it forced me to take a good look at my own behavior.
If I want my daughter to manage her emotions, I have to model what that looks like. Not perfectly, but honestly.
So when I mess up (and I do), I apologize.
When I feel overwhelmed, I say it out loud and show her how I take space to breathe or calm down.
She’s watching — and learning — from how I handle life, not just how I tell her to.
One of the most valuable lessons in parenting is recognizing that children absorb everything. They’re learning not just from our words, but from our actions and energy. When I model healthy coping strategies, patience, and self-awareness, I’m giving her the tools she needs to navigate life in a balanced way.
6. Carve Out Space for Yourself, Too
Here’s something I learned the hard way: you can’t parent with intention if you’re running on fumes.
Taking care of myself isn’t selfish — it’s necessary.
That looks different every day. Sometimes it’s reading for 10 minutes while she plays independently. Other times it’s locking myself in the bathroom with these stress-relieving bath salts and pretending I’m at a spa (hey, it works).
When I make space for my own joy, calm, and creativity — I show up as a better, more present mom.
It’s so easy to fall into the trap of putting yourself last. But when you do that, you’re not only compromising your own well-being — you’re also depriving your child of the best version of yourself.
If you’re feeling burned out, it’s okay to take a step back and prioritize yourself. Whether it’s 10 minutes or an hour, carving out me time is essential for sustainable, intentional parenting.
7. Let Go of Perfect, and Choose Present
I used to strive for the “Pinterest Mom” aesthetic — perfect lunches, color-coordinated activities, and chore charts that lasted exactly two days.
Now? I focus on presence over perfection.
Some days, dinner is scrambled eggs and storytime is five minutes before I fall asleep mid-sentence.
But if my daughter feels seen, safe, and loved? That’s what she’ll remember.
Intentional parenting is a mindset — not a checklist.
It’s about returning to the relationship, over and over, even when things get messy (and they will get messy).
Final Thoughts: It’s Never Too Late to Parent with Purpose
I didn’t grow up with this model of parenting. I wasn’t taught to pause, to be mindful, or to center emotional connection.
But I’m learning — and unlearning — every day.
And here’s the beautiful thing: intentional parenting isn’t about changing your child. It’s about changing the way you see and support them.
It’s choosing presence over performance.
It’s trading control for connection.
It’s reminding yourself — as many times as it takes — that your relationship with your daughter is more important than the mess, the meltdowns, or the missed bedtimes.
My Favorite Tools for Parenting with Intention:
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Have you tried parenting with intention? I’d love to hear what’s helped you connect with your child more deeply. Drop a comment or share this post with another mama who needs some encouragement 💛
